I meant to go to class today. Really, I did. We worked on some butterfly guard stuff, and some cross-grips in the closed guard, and then we did some training. I thought I was going to be in class, because as much as I don’t like Butterfly guard, I wanted to continue to learn how to improve that part of my game…because it sucks. My game, not the guard itself. Actually my training last night really suffered, mainly because I was super tired and could not stop yawning throughout the class. I think it was about 40% lack of enough calories, but 60% lack of sleep. So, my concentration was kind of fuzzy throughout the class: but, I knuckled down and tried to get through it as best as I could. I think I should at least get a bronze star for effort. I definitely thought however without a doubt my butt was going to be sliding all around that mat the very next day.
But instead I slept. I slept that coma, almost death-like sleep that goes on for a few hours and makes you feel like you have a brand new body. Ok, maybe not a brand new body, but when I woke up, most of the pains and sore muscles I had from the week are gone. It’s amazing.
The problem is, however, that I want to go BACK to sleep. Max is always amazed at how I can nod off at the drop of a hat. Actually, the truth is usually I can’t unless I’ve been really training. There’s something about the pent up energy throughout the day that will leave my head spinning in the evening, making sleep more of a fantasy than a reality. I remember as a child staying awake at night, afraid I was the ONLY person in the world that was awake (I was very young at this point). This fear was greatly alleviated one evening during a fit of insomnia I saw an ice cream truck park outside of our house at an absurd hour of the night. I have no idea what that ice cream truck was doing at the hour of the night in the the small city I lived in, but there was some comfort in the idea that someone else was awake at that hour.
Anyway, I am happy to find that one thing in my life that can calm me. I come from a long line of women with a myriad of anxiety issues, and I am happy to say I feel I have found something that can keep those issues in check. I can feel when I haven’t trained, as crazy as it sounds, because I can feel when little things start to bother me that usually wouldn’t. My biggest problem that I have been facing is to find that delicate balance between enough sleep and being tired enough to get to sleep at night. I will find it, it’s just going to take some time.
In other news, I decided this summer I’m going to take up jewelry making. As much as I love baking and knitting, I need to have a hobby to keep my hands busy that I can do when I’m on or off my diet for tournaments, but also something that I can see the end result more quickly. I like knitting, I do, but it takes MONTHS sometimes to see the end result, and that’s only if you really keep at it and not get sidetracked…like I do all the time. And anyway, with knitting, the fun stuff is the really complicated ones with all sorts of stitch patterns you have to remember, and I really wouldn’t want to have to start all over in case I forgot after running off to class. That wouldn’t be relaxing. That would lead to much dissapointment. Then anger.
Diet update: my weight keeps on shifting to and fro, but relatively still in that 15lb mark before I hit my goal. I don’t want to start the crazy dieting too early, but I think the beginning of February is just about right. Lord help me.