There is No Shame in Being Tapped by a Girl & Day 6 of the 12 Days of Judo: Kouchi Gari

This post is really for the dudes out there, but women can take something away from it as well.

This comes from a conversation I had with a co-worker on Friday. He admitted some hesitance to doing crossfit because he would walk in knowing there would be women in the room that could lift heavier weights than he would be able to, particularly at the beginning. He also asked if he tried Jiu jitsu, if there was a support group for men who were submitted or tapped by women. Before anyone gets hot under the collar about that statement, this co-worker is a pretty nice guy, and let’s be honest, is expressing a fear that many allude to, but few outright admit: the fear of tapping to a girl.

Guy, this mentality will not serve you well in jiu jitsu. You should never be ashamed of being submitting by someone who has trained longer than you, has more experience than you, has put in countless hours of drilling, training, has put in their fair share of blood, sweat and tears into the sport- just because of their gender.

I know it’s a bitter pill to swallow- men are told they are better, particularly when it comes to physical activity than women practically from the day they are born. But the truth of the matter is it plays into the “curse of natural ability” that I have mentioned before. You may not have the expectation of athletic prowess, or even to do well particularly well per se, but if you have the expectation to do better than a female, that is where you will falter, and fail, and become frustrated, especially in the beginning. Jiu jitsu can certainly have its moments of roughness, but a very large part of the sport still involves timing and skill, which are honed through practice and experience- both of which are available to either gender.

If a girl taps you, instead of getting frustrated, and feeling like there is something wrong in the natural order of the universe, instead think of it this way: she, a fellow teammate, is skilled enough to take advantage of that weak point in your jiu jitsu, and this is a fantastic time to work on those parts of your game- improving both of your games.

And we’re up to day 6 of the 12 days of Judo: Kouchi Gari.

Enjoy!

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6 Comments

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6 responses to “There is No Shame in Being Tapped by a Girl & Day 6 of the 12 Days of Judo: Kouchi Gari

  1. Solid post. I have a teammate I need to share this with. Ha

  2. Pingback: December 17, 2013 | BJJ News

  3. Bob

    I like training with the women in our school, for a few reasons. First, since they’re usually at a size and strength disadvantage, they tend to have a more technical game — and that’s who you want to roll with and learn from. Second, since I don’t want to be the jerk who uses my size to smash a woman, I focus on being light, controlled and technical during our roll — which I often don’t do when rolling with some of our big bruisers.

    And tapping to a woman? That’s a good thing. It reminds you that jiu-jitsu works — that a smaller person can beat a larger person by using solid technique. If a more advanced woman couldn’t tap me out, then I’d wonder about the effectiveness of the art. And we’ve all heard the saying “leave your ego at the door”. Well, tapping to a woman is good for keeping your ego in check. It reminds you that while size and strength help, technique is still the most important thing. When I tap to someone I outweigh by 100 pounds, it’s the best reminder that nothing replaces time on the mat.

  4. Per Eklund

    A very valid subject. I can see the problem with tapping when you are a in your early whtie belt stage and plauged by a big ego. But when the understanding of technique and leverage sets in tapping wont really be a problem anymore. No matter who you tap to. But, “I know it’s a bitter pill to swallow- men are told they are better, particularly when it comes to physical activity than women practically from the day they are born.” Seriously?? I don´t know where you´re from or how men are raised there… But this sounds like ranting, with a touch of sour grapes. By who are we told this? That we are BETTER than women? I don´t know. Are you a man? Do you know how we are raised? What we are told? I think not. It´s too bad that most female bjj bloggers are insanely hung up on gender issues and that men have it so easy going through life. Not everything is a gender issue. You´re putting up some really good posts but some are just crazy ranting. Sorry…But keep it up, I usually enjoy your posts.

    • Katie

      Hi P,

      Can I call you P? Whatever, it’s happening-I read your comment and while I appreciate the attempt at a sandwich criticism, the main problem with your comment lies in your use of the term “sour grapes”. I guess I should point out first that the sentence you mention was pretty much a direct quote from the conversation I had with my male co-worker. So, rather than a theory I came up with on my own, this was something a male said to me, and I found it amusing that was the sentence you picked up on. So, back to your comment. P, I have to ask what do you think for me is that unattainable goal that I am trying to convince myself not to pursue, my “sour grapes”? Submitting a male in training? I feast on those particular fruits on a pretty consistent basis, so that’s not really a concern. The post was really more for those beginners (a large majority of the Jiu jitsu population and therefore more likely read the post), as I mention that “this mentality will not serve you in the long run”. I agree, higher belts usually ( there are almost always exceptions to the rule, but usually) understand and appreciate rolling with a female, I have found at least. Also, I fully admit there are a number of gender issues for men that I have never experienced and will never fully understand. But, how can any of us know what another person is going through if we don’t talk about these issues? I think I’m pretty gender issue light, but hey, feel free to disagree.

      Finally, P, I really hope the comment about the absurdity of men being raised to think they are better than women was sarcastic. Because we most certainly live in a society where men are perceived to be better than women. It sucks, but you can’t deny it: half of the English language is geared toward implying things that are weak and inferior are more feminine than masculine. Scores of women’s sports are frequently referred to as a “joke”- trust me, just check the Internet. Do I think all men feel this way? Absolutely not, but if this does not apply to your life at all, it sounds like a wonderful world you live in and I hope we all have a chance to visit there someday. In the meantime, I live here, where I am reminded that as a woman I’m not as good at math, science, balancing a checkbook, driving a car, dunking a basketball, or any other assortment of things as a man is.

  5. when you are tapped, particularly by someone smaller, less athletic, or whatever differential, it’s proof that Jiu-Jitsu works when applied correctly.
    many of us started b/c Royce was not the biggest or the baddest looking, he was not the heaviest competitor….and he forced them to tap/submit due to superior knowledge and technique.

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